Not recommended reading

Pregnancy breakdown No. 1 has come and gone and I blame a book. Truthfully, the most surprising thing about my little episode on Tuesday was that it hasn't happened sooner. I can't tell you how afraid we have always been of Pregnant Erin and how excited we were to find that she's actually a pretty nice person (who just likes to sleep a lot). Who knew?

Trouble came, however, when I started reading this book:

If I could sum up what I got out of the first couple of chapters, it would be this:

1. Having a baby is like throwing a grenade into your once-happy marriage.
2. Nic and I will never understand each other's needs.
3. Happiness as we know it is about to come to an end.
4. Nic is going to act like a giant douche.

As I read scenarios about couple after couple hating their new lives as parents, I could literally feel my heart pounding out of my chest. That's why when Nic came home an hour or so later than he said, it was all over: This was the start of us never being happy again. He didn't want to come home because we're having a baby and men don't understand babies and he's never going to understand me. Who would want to come home to a tired, pregnant wife anyway? Men don't really want babies. And so on and so forth.

Are you starting to see why Nic confiscated this book? He came home to me sitting on the floor in tears informing him that I was freaking out and can't have a baby. And that's when he calmly reminded me how undouche-like he is and that he was taking my book. It was one of the shortest crises I've ever had.

When I told Nic I was writing about this, his declaration again was: "I'm not like the guys in that book, dammit!" Totally true. I'm lucky to have someone who can find me crying on the floor and make it okay. He'll still laugh about it though, which is one of the reasons I like him so much.

Oh, and if anyone wants a good alternative to Babyproofing Your Marriage, read Heather Armstrong's It Sucked, and Then I Cried. Or watch "Away We Go." Both address the same sort of issues; neither make you want to rethink any important life decisions.