Friday, January 22, 2010

Not recommended reading

Pregnancy breakdown No. 1 has come and gone and I blame a book. Truthfully, the most surprising thing about my little episode on Tuesday was that it hasn't happened sooner. I can't tell you how afraid we have always been of Pregnant Erin and how excited we were to find that she's actually a pretty nice person (who just likes to sleep a lot). Who knew?

Trouble came, however, when I started reading this book:

If I could sum up what I got out of the first couple of chapters, it would be this:
  1. Having a baby is like throwing a grenade into your once-happy marriage.
  2. Nic and I will never understand each other's needs.
  3. Happiness as we know it is about to come to an end.
  4. Nic is going to act like a giant douche.
As I read scenarios about couple after couple hating their new lives as parents, I could literally feel my heart pounding out of my chest. That's why when Nic came home an hour or so later than he said, it was all over: This was the start of us never being happy again. He didn't want to come home because we're having a baby and men don't understand babies and he's never going to understand me. Who would want to come home to a tired, pregnant wife anyway? Men don't really want babies. And so on and so forth.

Are you starting to see why Nic confiscated this book? He came home to me sitting on the floor in tears informing him that I was freaking out and can't have a baby. And that's when he calmly reminded me how undouche-like he is and that he was taking my book. It was one of the shortest crises I've ever had.

When I told Nic I was writing about this, his declaration again was: "I'm not like the guys in that book, dammit!" Totally true. I'm lucky to have someone who can find me crying on the floor and make it okay. He'll still laugh about it though, which is one of the reasons I like him so much.

Oh, and if anyone wants a good alternative to Babyproofing Your Marriage, read Heather Armstrong's It Sucked, and Then I Cried. Or watch "Away We Go." Both address the same sort of issues; neither make you want to rethink any important life decisions.


e.m. said...

laughing. so. hard.


Julia M. said...

Pretty sure we had a couple moments like that. But I read one really good book that was hopeful. And here I am a month into it and Ben and I are still glad we're married. Remarkable? No, just normal.

Mary said...

i am glad you had a freak out- i think it is the true way to iniate being prego- dont worry about how you two will handle it. It will come with time.. we are on kid number two and there are still some days that i wish russell would stay at work- but then he does something to make up for his doucheness and so will nick. the pro's def outway the con's on the whole baby making thing.. plus when that kid (hopefully a girl) smiles or coo's for the first time anything that is wrong that day or moment goes away- your going to love it! besides nick is seeiming to do better at the whole holding baby thing.. he held quinn yesterday for a LONG time.. till he got fussy...... but still kudos to him :).. and korbin likes him too so.... no worries

Sheri said...

OK.. So, just so you know I read 1- 4 and started laughing my head off.. showed it to Shane and he laughed.. kudos to you.. Shane doesnt laugh out loud to many times.. it is usually an inner laugh.. Anyway.. you and nic will do just fine as long as you both remember that YOUR little family comes first and not the needs/wants of brothers or etc.. :) ya I said it.

Alissa Rae King said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alissa Rae King said...

Oh, there are just so many things I want to say to you! Words of encouragement and little anecdotes that will make you feel better but all I can think right now is how glad I am I got my tubes tied.

Oh, and Nic continues to receive my full approval!

(sorry I had to delete my comment above because my spell checker changed anecdotes to antidotes! and I don't have an antidotes for pregnancy... except the above mention tube tying that this)

Stefanie said...

Stick to "The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy" :)