Monday, August 2, 2010

Someone discovered her angry voice

Being at home with an infant is unlike anything I've done before--obviously. I used to marvel at the moms who could never eat a meal while it was still warm. Couldn't they just put the baby down? How hard could it be to find time for yourself? It couldn't be that time consuming, could it? Silly, silly me.

This little girl runs the show. At first I was trying to fight it; trying to hold on to the old life where I did what I wanted exactly when I wanted. But as I let life slow down I'm starting to understand how important this time is. Sure, I haven't showered today. Yesterday was the first time I got dressed up in five weeks. I don't get to visit with friends like I used to. But I only have until September and then it will be back to work and I know I'm going to wish I had more time to spend at home with Norah on my lap all day long.

Here she is at four weeks. I cannot even describe the particular sort of joy that I get from those tiny crossed eyes.

Now she's five weeks and is discovering that she can be grumpy. Everything will be fine and then she'll remember that she can cry and will proceed to practice screaming to the best of her ability.

I always thought that I wouldn't have a problem letting my baby cry. Now I'm discovering the tugging on my heart that happens whenever Norah isn't happy. There have been times when I've been able to calm her and there have been times when I've had to set her down a walk away. Yesterday we discovered the magical powers of the vacuum cleaner, which has made today a lot easier.

Sometimes she just decides that her life is too hard and that everyone needs to know about it. Maybe she's just mad at her mom for taking photos instead of taking her seriously.

Yesterday was her blessing and she decided that she wanted to be antisocial. She must take after me when it comes to group settings. It was still a great day and I'll have more about it to come. But right now she's awake again meaning she must be held.


Julia M. said...

Erin, I can't even believe moms survive newborns and then decide to have more babies. Seriously. So hard. And when I went back to work when Phineas was 7 weeks old, I kind of liked it. Honestly. I didn't look back. Everybody asked me if I felt so sad, but I was feeling a freedom I had forgotten. It was awesome. So hold her if you feel like it. You'll survive. Somehow.

Alissa Rae King said...

ohmygosh!! I want to print those cross eyed pictures right this second but first I have to leave a comment and I don't want to cause I'm kind of dying to FRAME that top picture. She's crying because she misses me! I don't blame her, I cried a little too!

I love this post, I love that your swell little nic and erin blog is about to be all things Norah, and I love you even though you are so freaking adorable after have a baby six weeks ago :)

Stefanie said...

What a little angel!!!